Today, I laid in bed weeping since 5 am. All I could muster was enough strength to fry an egg in a small pan and 2 pieces of bologna in the air fryer. I should probably have carbs if I’m going to take insulin, but I don’t feel like it. I have spent half of the morning sobbing and the other half wondering if I could go down the street to the state psychiatric hospital and sign myself in. I’d like to drift deep inside myself and never come back to this plain.
My family could keep or sell everything except my books and my notebooks. They could read my journals too. They date back to 2007. I reckon, that’d be quite interesting for them. Maybe they’d just put it all in storage with the hopes that I’d snap out of it one day, but I’d hope not.
Life has taught me that only one thing is true... no one is consistent. No love is permanent. Nothing lasts. I can expect nothing of anyone without complete disappointment. I don’t have much more to say today. I wish I did, but I’m quite defeated and tired...too tired to dream.
May Love meet you right where you are, as a steady companion.
I see you. 💔 Sending love. ❤️🩹